You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize