I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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