That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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