There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
