I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
