his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
