I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
