i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
