upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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