I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
