I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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