Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it was like eating out sand paper
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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