Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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