Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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