so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
