i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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