first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
