Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
