Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
