She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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