thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
