we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize