He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
