textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's rum buckets o'clock
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
