$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
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