Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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