I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
