my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
