she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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