i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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