Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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