Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
