my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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