Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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