So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
