i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
