so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
