@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
