its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
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Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
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He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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