if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
