my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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