Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
