Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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