is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
