I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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