"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
