I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
FUCK WHALES
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
