There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
