If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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