um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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