he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
