I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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