What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
