why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
