the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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