i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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