when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
