3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
