I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
