am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
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don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
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Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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