I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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