Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
