I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My pussy is not your playground.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
