Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
