I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
