He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she peed on how many people?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
